A gift from motherland, they said

It was a dramaful day.

31/10/2019

Arrived at home after class and went to the toilet to poop

Was quite disappointed when nothing came out even the urge to defecate was so strong when I was in the class. Was bloating throughout the day and the night.

Slept from 8 pm till 645 the next morning.

31/10/2019

Woke up later than usual because of the discomfort.

Took shower and got ready to go to class.

Journey to the bus stop took longer than usual 🥴 10 minutes instead of 3.

Hopped on the bus with pain but then when the bus started to move, I felt nauseated and was going to vomit. Whatsapp Ana telling that I’m too sick to handle.

Then it became worse, called Aten for help because I was afraid if I fainted inside the bus.

Aten called Alia & Aima to wait for my bus because we were on the same route.

Met them at Navarasiskaya bus stop & they helped me to ease the pain but nothing good came out.

Didn’t know what to do & we just rode the bus to the polyclinic, where we have our classes. Arrived at the polyclinic bus stop & there was where Aten & Ana were waiting.

They lifted me to the polyclinic because I could not walk & preferred forced position to ease the pain. 

Then Juya & Aishu took me half of the journey and lifted me till reaching the polyclinic.

Here at this moment, I felt soooo guilty to burden them. I am not that light (plus the 4 days delayed poop 🤭)

Sorry friends.

My lecturer came & checked for me, walked me to the doctor’s room & requested for ambulance to send me to hospital.

Ambulance came & directed me to the Surgical Department of Hospital No. 4.

Here came the darkness.

The surgeons came to me and did physical examination.

Palpated my abdomen and asked,

"who was the lecturer for Surgery when you were in 4th year?"

"Panin and Sharashkina"

"so what's the disease when you have these symptoms??" while palpating and rubbing my abdomen.

".......... appendicitis"

"nah"

then I started to cry.. I was too afraid for any surgical intervention at that moment.. I was so not ready!

"why are you crying!? we might perform the appendectomy today"

Then everything passed by so quickly.. Ana had to get my passport and all the documents needed at home.

While me still in denial... walking to the Xray room.. then next to the Ultrasound room..

Here's another drama..

When they performing the ultrasound, there's no sign that indicate the appendicitis..

but then something more.... disturbing.. found out.

The doctor said that she saw cysts.. Ovarian cyst..

My world became darker and darker as clock ticking by...

I just lied on the bed hopelessly.. not even wondering what is happening to me...

Then I walked out of the room..

informing friends that I have cyst on my ovaries...

While crying... sobbing... regretting.. for not taking care of myself as good as I think I had..

Then the Gynaecologist came and performed vaginal examination.. but she said all is okay..

Then again, what? What is happening.... Can someone brief me one by one?

Is it appendicitis, or cyst? or everything is normal?

could be just because of the constipation and failure of passing gas for 2 days??

Yes, me myself strongly believed that my body was just fine.. 

I had no fever, I did not even vomit! My abdomen was just in pain because of the constipation.

But then I needed to be admitted to the ward..

Received intravenous treatment of NaCl and my condition was getting better.

Surgeon came one by one to check on me.. & I was getting better and better..

But this one surgeon came back and forth and told me that they were going to perform diagnostic laparoscopy on me. They said that they must see what exactly happened inside my abdomen..

Here I slowly protest... I was asking for клизма.. the enema! i strongly wanna prove them that my body was just fine, no need to insert the camera to look inside. This is my body not theirs! They wont feel the pain of being cut for nothing.

They were going to make me even sicker.. they were just going to add more pain to me!!! & I really hate that.

I keep asking and asking for enema.. I told them "я только хочу пердеть" which means.. "I JUST WANNA FART"

Yes, I just need to fart... and to poop.. I believe those 2 things will get me cured.

But I have no power guys.. I merely a foreigner and student who knows nothing... 

I cant speak my voice out loud... For them.. they even know better.. I dont know...

I was not sure what was good for me.. My mind was like.. empty.. I dont know what to decide..

Because when I were just asking for simpler treatment, no one had paid attention..

Pain at lower part of abdomen.. constipation.. hardly fart for two days.. no fever, no vomiting.. condition's getting better..

But still.. I was taken to the operation theatre... for the diagnostic laparoscopy..

and you know what... it was for nothing... no appendicitis.. just like my instinct said..

and I feel so sad.... too sad that no one can understand... I feel so frustrated been treated like this..

I love my abdomen... too much.. I feel so sorry to myself that I allowed some strangers to cut it...

to put myself in more worse condition...

This story is not going to end soon..

Then I had to lie down on the bed for days...

None of the surgeons came down to me and explain me what was going on during the operation..

& when I said I knew that there was no appendicitis.. it came from the anaesthesiologist who woke me up after the surgery.. & yes I had no appendicitis.. Thanks Allah for that..

And I just lied down on the bed for days.. can barely move.. my body felt so strange.. i cant be the freely spirit me anymore.. I could not laugh to my friends joke! I loss my momentum to study.. even the examination is just around the corner.. I felt so mad to the doctors and surgeons... I tried so hard to accept the reality.. & it was not easy!

And two days upon discharge... I was informed by the doctor who's in charged to monitor my post-operation condition.. that I have cyst... on both of my lovely ovaries..

Can you imagine my feeling?

After struggling so hard to accept the scars on my tummy, to tried so hard to stay calm when it was so hard to move, to eat, to sleep, to walk and everything....?

And they easily informed me that I have cyst and needed to refer another hospital..? Allahuakbar..

I felt so humiliated.. and frustrated.. 

especially when they ignored my complains... my requests... and did not even try to discuss with each other and to relate that all my complains were directed to the cyst.. why do they need to cut my abdomen just for nothing...

hah... yeah dats all.. dats what ive been saying for this past few days...

Like they said... these scars.. were just... a gift from this motherland..

I dont need to question much.. whatever happen, happened..

this is not a dream, even. 

Pray for my full recovery for those who read this. Thank you 🙂

& to the friends that helped me to get up from these downs and drowning moments.. THANK YOU SO MUCH... only Allah s.w.t can repay all your kindness...❤️